I Heard I Was in Town (by Jimmy Buffett)

I’ve been asked a few questions many times since I’ve returned from the far side of the world. Questions like, “Are you going to keep updating your blog now that you’re back?” Or, “How was your time overseas?” And, “How is it being back?” These are surprisingly difficult questions for me to answer. There’s so much behind any short answer that I find it kinda frustrating to even attempt to respond. And then there’s the fact that most people, when they ask, tend to be asking out of common courtesy and with the desire for a quick, short answer like, “Great!” But that just doesn’t cut it for me. If I’m going to address what I experienced, what I’m dealing with now, or what my plans are for the future, I need to do so fully and completely. Thus the reason I’m finally back online and updating this way overdue blog posting.

Let’s start with the first question … the one about the blog. Well, the fact that I’m writing this right now kind of answers that question. But, to provide more depth to explain my absence over the past months and my intentions for the future, I need to answer the question about how it is to be back.
When I returned to Minnesota, I was expecting reverse culture-shock. Unfortunately, the expectation of it didn’t help to alleviate it. I was hit somewhat hard right away and it really hasn’t subsided, rather it has gone through stages. To begin with, I had to deal with the general discomfort with being back. For me, the more I travel outside the states and the longer periods of time in which I do such traveling, the less I feel like I fit in or belong when I return. The American culture begins to feel more and more foreign to me. It’s not easy when people who have known me within a given context for most of my life see me in the exact same context only to watch me struggle and feel like I don’t belong. It makes me feel guilty at times … I worry that they think it’s personal towards them.
The second stage I went through was trying to cope with the individualism and, subsequently, lack of community here in the states. In places like Asia, community is the core of society. To drop in on a friend unexpectedly is an honorable thing to do. Doors are not only left unlocked, they’re typically left open for people to come and go as they please. If you mistakenly wander into the home of someone you don’t know, instead of being chased out of the house you are greeted with hot tea and a welcoming smile. No one wears a watch … not because they don’t respect time, but because they respect people more. It’s more important who you’re with at the moment than when and where you’re supposed to be next. Whole islands will routinely stop everything they’re doing around 3pm every day to meet together to play and watch sports. Not because they have to, but because it’s a time for everyone to be together. There’s no daycare or babysitting, the children simply play together and the community cares for and disciplines them. If you haven’t experienced this kind of community, you can never understand the love, warmth, and sense of acceptance that comes from living in this type of environment. To face the sharp contrast of the American society just … well … it hurts! I can’t begin to explain the feelings of isolation and seeming abandonment that comes with the return.
Not that the first two stages are past, but now I’m facing a new stage. When I was on the far side of the world I experienced an amazing gift from the Lord: TIME. I can’t say I’ve ever had a time in my life where I have felt like I have done more to serve the Lord than while I was over there. My days were spent in prayer, getting to know God better, relationship building, directly sharing the words and love of Christ with non-believers, encouraging and building up missionaries, supporting short-term team members, and helping to lighten the load of the nationals. To be honest, at times it was exhausting work … and God still provided for me the time to take naps on a hammock, swim in the ocean, read books, have conversations with friends simply to pass the time, and even sit and enjoy the sunset … I mean REALLY enjoy the sunset … on an almost daily basis. Somehow, there was time in the days to take a step back and see, feel, hear, and experience God and his amazing creation. Sadly, all of that seems lost to me here … it always has. And now, I’m facing it full force …which brings me back to the question about the blog.
It’s been my desire to keep updating this site, and it still is my desire. I’ve wondered for a very long time whether or not anyone ever even reads any of this. The funny thing is, I’ve had all sorts of people who have come up to me over the past month or so, many of which I don’t even know, and tell me how much they’ve enjoyed reading my blogs and following along in my journeys. It’s been an amazing encouragement. So, with that said, my intention remains to keep updating my blogs. However, I need to be candid about how the busyness of life has left me tired and unmotivated. I’m attempting to make a few necessary changes to help turn things around, but I can’t say for sure whether or not I’ll be able to overcome the struggles I’m facing. For now, simply know that it is my desire to continue writing in here and I will do my best to do so.

Okay, so I haven’t addressed the question of “How was your time overseas?” Hopefully the details I’ve given regarding some of my struggles has provided some insight as to how my time away was. In a word, it was amazing! In a phrase, it was life-changing. It will forever be a milestone in my life to which I will always compare dates and experiences to (“I met her when I got back from living on the far side of the world.” … “I got that job several months after I returned.” … “I lived there a couple years before I traveled around the other side of the planet” … etc.). For now, this brief synopsis will have to suffice. It’s taken me this long to get this much of an update, and to get into the question of how my time overseas was will take quite a bit more time. So I shall save it for another blog, motivating me to write once again and leaving you wanting more.